From the USA to Danish country living

Meet American mom Brooke, who embraces life in Denmark while courageously facing the challenges of a new language and parenting in a vastly different culture.

Photographs: Martin Macalpine

Text: Natalia Sepitkova

Brooke Black is a global communication director at a Danish podcast and audiobook company based in Copenhagen. She is also a mother of two daughters (6 and 4 years old) and lives in Copenhagen with her Danish husband, Mads. Her journey to Denmark was definitely outside the plans. They travelled from Los Angeles to Denmark in 2020, shortly after their second child was born. Covid-19 was in full force, and the world was in a pandemic. Brooke did not consider it safe to send the children to preschool institutions, so they decided to travel to Europe. They packed for two weeks and visited her husband’s family in Denmark - the short trip turned into a move.

“I had to give up a job I loved in the US, which was a big part of my identity, but I was lucky enough to find something that fit my skill set at a Danish-founded company,” says Brooke. She has a bachelor’s degree from Boston University’s College of Communication. She has written for several news and lifestyle publications and has experience working in communication departments at Warner Bros. and Apple. Brooke was raised in Chicago and spent many years in New York, London, and Los Angeles before relocating to Denmark.

Scandi-heaven

Brooke likely experienced the most significant culture shock of all. “I went from living in major cities for most of my life to a 1700s farm in Jutland. Life slowed down, the nature was beautiful, and we were close to my Danish husband’s family,” begins Brooke with her life story. “We arrived in July, and it was the most beautiful time in Denmark. We were eating fruits from trees and bushes; the nature in Midtjylland is unparalleled. I felt like I’d died and gone to Scandi-heaven. It didn’t seem real. We also had chickens and embraced the whole countryside living experience. We left the concrete jungle behind and rented a home in a small village called Alling.”

She was still on maternity leave from her second child, so at the start, it felt like a vacation. They spent their days driving around to see the sights and visit family. When she began working again, she maintained a schedule aligned with LA time, which allowed her to spend the daytime with her baby before starting work around 4 PM. “When winter arrived, I swear I hadn’t seen any neighbours for months. I thought that they were home, but I saw no one. That was fairly isolating, and with the 9-hour time difference to LA, I was missing many friend conversations at night and had no one to talk to during the day.”

Ready for Copenhagen

While their country farmhouse and Danish village supported them during the pandemic years, they were ready for city life again. “I got a job at a Danish company in Copenhagen, and my husband and I were both commuting three hours each way on the train every week, trading days so we could look after the children. We did this for three years and tried to make it work, but we weren’t all together until the end of the week, and the distance started to take a toll on our health, so we sold our beautiful farmhouse and got a place in Copenhagen,” explains Brooke.

However, life in Jutland made a deep impression on her, and she is grateful that she experienced it. Even though she was often surprised that people her age were not as comfortable with English, so in their little village, her friendships with neighbours had limits, and she became the “smile and wave” neighbour. As a very spontaneous person, Brooke also had to get used to the fact that people in Jutland plan everything far in advance.

Denmark is so much more than Copenhagen. “I feel sometimes people forget that, or there’s a slight superiority complex from Danes about Copenhagen vs the rest of Denmark, which they don’t bother visiting – which is sad. Aarhus is a world-class city with incredible museums, a cool music scene, close access to nature, their own great Tivoli, and Marselisborg,” says Brooke. “In Copenhagen, we’ve been lucky to find a very special community.”

She loves biking everywhere now. Her work is six minutes away instead of three hours, and there is so much access to culture and activities. “Overall, I’m glad we moved and are living here. Copenhagen is the perfect size city for where I’m at in my life, and our children are also thriving. I’m just starting to make friends, and I’m very grateful for that,” she adds.

"Brooke likely experienced the most significant culture shock of all. She went from living in major cities for most of her life to a 1700s farm in Jutland. Life slowed down, the nature was beautiful, and they were close to her Danish husband’s family."

Parenting in Denmark

Like many others, she appreciates the trust and Danish values, sustainability and green movements, integrity and respect for journalism, and last but not least, the work-life balance. “If you sum up the total time spent with family in the US vs Denmark, it would be quite different, so I feel very fortunate to have that time with my children,” explains Brooke. “I’m giving my children an ‘80s childhood that no longer exists in the US - similar to the one I grew up with. I would say parenting is more free-range; there is more trust. Kids are given more independence early on. They are given real knives, not kid-friendly plastic knives. They learn empathy from a very early age and to help others.” Brooke appreciates that she doesn’t need to be worried about gun violence and that food regulations are better in Denmark. “We are giving them the best childhood they could have.”

The Danish language has been challenging for Brooke. After a week of Danish daycare, her eldest switched to speaking Danish and stopped speaking English entirely. Brooke’s ability to parent her became very difficult. “Sometimes, I feel like a backseat parent. My husband and daughters all have the same heart language and will laugh at the same joke I didn’t get on DR. My Danish is good, but it’s not to the level where I can naturally pick it up in the background. I worry sometimes that my daughters will confide in my husband more because it’s easier for them to speak to him about deeper topics.” Although her mum was born in Italy and spoke Italian, she never taught her and her brother the language - Brooke wants to give her kids the gift of two languages.

Lovely family and new friendships

When I ask her how life is with a Danish husband, she laughs. “Every day is a blessing. We’ve made that joke since we eloped.” But immediately, she admits she is lucky that her husband's family is so welcoming. “We were married before I met them, so they were stuck with me. When we eloped in Vegas, we flew through Chicago so Mads could meet my parents. My dad had said he’d been doing some “research” on Mads and asked him everything about what it’s like to be Dutch. He tried,” she smiles.

After moving to Denmark, building a new network for Brooke was challenging. “I had a lot of false starts when I first came here - I did not make friends quickly. I learned that these things take time. Now that my kids are slightly older and more independent, I have more time, and I can prioritise networking and friendship more. Some of it was luck, getting plugged into groups when I moved to Copenhagen from people I had met online. My neighbourhood is an incredible community, and so are my coworkers. And my community of friends is growing, too. It’s taking some time, but I’m getting there and am so grateful.”

Danish Christmas

She has lived in Denmark for four years and has already acquired some Danish habits. Winter bathing and afternoon coffee and cake are starting to become part of her life. As for Christmas, the Brooke family has a Danish rather than an American Christmas. “Now that we have children, we typically open gifts on Christmas Eve, and then we just relax and go for a walk on Christmas Day. We tried saving one last gift for Christmas Day, but it hasn’t worked. In the past, we’ve also done the Julekalender with little presents every day, but it’s exhausting with two children - so not this year. We do the nissedør as well,” describes Brooke, sharing one of the traditions she has adopted since moving. Their Christmas menu has been replaced by traditional sild, snaps, a roast, and potatoes - and of course, there is Risalamande and the almond game.

She likes many things about Danish Christmas traditions: the cosiness, the candles, the brunkager. Real candles on the tree were a huge culture shock to her. “How is there no fire in every home, especially with pets and babies? How do Danish cats know not to climb the trees,” asks Brooke. This year, her mom is coming from Chicago for Christmas. “I love her influence on my daughters and always miss her. I wish she lived here and not so far away! So we’ll mostly be in and around Copenhagen relaxing and being together, playing games by the fire, and going on walks - I am really looking forward to spending time together.”

An influencer in an international community

Brooke shares her experiences about living and parenting abroad as an American in Denmark on Instagram and TikTok as BrookeBlackJust. “I started out using it to process what I had been experiencing in Denmark. For the first few years, I was just trying to figure things out. Then, perhaps out of loneliness or isolation, I started sharing and quickly found a community. It’s been great to learn and grow together and meet some amazing people.” Brooke has also appeared in several episodes of the podcast WAYDID, where she talks about how she came to Denmark and shares her international experience.

In her opinion, most internationals in Denmark need support finding a job. “I know many skilled internationals who cannot find work here, so they end up reinventing themselves or are stay-at-home partners. I think there are some great resources for internationals to connect (The International Denmark is one of them!). Still, there are many ways to connect with people through various interests and activities and navigate the Danish systems. Of course, it’s helpful to have a local Dane guiding you, and I can’t imagine how I would have done it without the help of my husband. I had to sign a bank document once, and it took thirteen separate steps (I counted) through the internet to get to the signing page - I would have been lost without him.”

Despite everything she has navigated, Brooke is determined to stay in Denmark for the foreseeable future. They have moved many times, and she is excited to be in one place for a while, especially with her oldest just starting public school. “This means I need to finish Danish language school and really up my game. I’m excited to explore more of Denmark, as well as try and figure out how to be “European”. For example, where can you go for a 3-day weekend? Where do you go in the winter if you didn’t grow up skiing? How do people take off 3-4 weeks in the summer without feeling guilty? So many things to learn,” concludes Brooke and she’s looking forward to living life more Danishly.